


Afraid of The Ghost

by Aoi_Sensei



Series: Reflect on... [1]
Category: Ghost of Tsushima (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Childhood Friends, Ghost of Tsushima Spoilers, Grief/Mourning, Implied Relationships, M/M, Other, Psychological Trauma, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:34:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26002738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aoi_Sensei/pseuds/Aoi_Sensei
Summary: (Act II Spoilers) ‘He was a good man. Cared about his men more than anyone else. I can’t imagine why he would side with the Mongols.’While imprisoned in Castle Shimura, Jin reflects on his childhood with Ryuzo in an attempt to find the root of his guilt. Jin’s biggest regret was not defying his uncle, was not becoming the Ghost… It was taking the life of someone who was a victim themselves.
Relationships: Ryuzo/Jin Sakai
Series: Reflect on... [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1887331
Comments: 1
Kudos: 24





	Afraid of The Ghost

**Author's Note:**

> I came out of my two year writing hiatus just for Ryuzo. I loved his character so much and I wish Jin and Ryuzo's relationship was explored more in flashbacks. Please enjoy some sad Jin.

Trapped in a cold and impersonal cell in castle Shimura did nothing to take Jin’s mind off previous events. He wanted to not care anymore. Everything was too mind numbing, too overwhelming. There were some things Jin knew he should have been worried about more so than others. His dark eyes gazed through the barred windows in search of a hint of sunlight.   
  
This was how he spent most of his days. Gazing out the high window to reflect on his life. Guilt began making its home deep within his stomach to the point where Jin could no longer eat. “Ryuzo… My oldest friend.” The guards could hear him murmur to himself. Jin’s biggest regret was not defying his uncle, was not becoming the Ghost… It was taking the life of someone who was a victim themselves.   
  
‘I know he turned on his people… He deserved his death. So why do I feel this way?’ He would ask himself. Desperate to find the answer to relieve this gnawing pain, Jin did the only thing he could think to do. He reflected.   
  
‘He wasn’t always like that… Ryuzo.’ Memories of their childhood escapades flashed through his mind. Fantastical flaming forests where they would climb trees and play hide and seek. Golden fields that the two boys would run around in for hours upon hours. Shimmering waters, wet hands and feet, making boats out of reeds. ‘When we were children Ryuzo was the strongest. If any of the village kids picked on me Ryuzo would have their asses handed to them.’ A ghost of a smile crossed Jin’s parched lips. ‘He was the first to teach me how to fight. Taught me how to stand on my own two feet, how to climb, how to hold my breath for minutes to hide from the elders wishing to break up our playtime. When I got hurt he would tell me to stop crying in the most annoyed voice but would make sure to hug me or to relieve my pain.’  
  
Ryuzo had a gentle nature to him yet too many walls were built around his heart. Only Jin was ever allowed in and that was rarely. He remembered how much he loved animals and how carefully he watched Jin when they played on rocks or scrambled up branches. It seemed like a life time ago. “I nearly forgot.” The words escaped his lips verbally followed by a faint laugh. The laugh held no mirth. Ryuzo was funny, clumsy, and a fool; but he was also brave and loyal to a fault.   
  
Ryuzo was the son of a common woman who died early on in his childhood. He was a peasant. This probably contributed to his tough facade. That was Jin’s best guess. The scene in his head changed to their reunion. Ryuzo as a straw hat both surprised and made sense to Jin. Their tournament battle had been brought up as they rode together for the first time in what seemed like ages. He cursed this Ryuzo, and the Ryuzo he had beaten in the tournament all those years ago. Why didn’t he just come talk to him? He could have helped him. Could have made him a samurai… If only…  
  
No, Ryuzo was always too proud. It must have been difficult for him to grow up in Jin’s shadow. He admitted to himself that this wasn’t something he had never considered in the moment. This was the reason why they grew so far apart. Jin’s heart ached at this very realization. The guilt in his stomach flared like a raging bull.   
  
When Jin began learning professionally from his father and uncle he was too busy for his friend. Ryuzo must have felt hurt, bitter almost. The stronger Jin grew without him the more he was outcast by the village. Every man woman and child would take their anger out on him. Claiming he was the village dog, that he was no good. Why would a commoner want to keep up with a Sakai lord? They saw him as a threat and blamed things on him that he never did. In reality Ryuzo wasn’t tough. He was hurt and he was scared. Jin could always see through him. When fear caught in his eyes Jin would be the first to notice.  
  
‘He was a good man. Cared about his men more than anyone else. I can’t imagine why he would side with the Mongols.’ Was what came to mind, yet simply was not true. Jin forced his stiff body onto the futon, gaze leaving the cloudless sky in favor of the dull ceiling.   
  
Hearing his own voice out loud surprised him.“The reason...” Jin’s eyes fluttered for a moment. Was that really him? Everything had been so quiet. The spell was nearly broken until his mind reeled him back in.  
  
The reason he joined the Mongols is the same reason he ran away to become a straw hat. The same reason he couldn’t kill Jin.   
  
Fear.   
  
Ryuzo lived his whole life afraid. That’s why he turned on them so easily. Even before their final battle he tried to convince Jin to pretend he was Jin’s spy. He was afraid of Khotun Khan, he was afraid of Shimura… Jin gave a hard swallow when his reflection brought him full circle to their last moments. It hurt more that he wanted to admit. Sweat sticking to their skin, labored breathing between katana clashes. The reek of Ryuzo’s blood flowing over his chest and fingers. Ryuzo had knelt before Jin with wide eyes. Even in his final moments he was afraid.   
  
Afraid of the Ghost.  
  
He wished he could rewind time and accept Ryuzo’s proposal. What was another misdeed to his uncle? Ryuzo would be alive. He wouldn’t have to be scared anymore because Jin would protect him. That was a nice thought. Oh, how he felt guilty. “I’m sorry Ryuzo.” Came his final words that night. Hours had passed from the moment these memories began to the time they ended. Jin curled up, closing his eyes. He would carry the weight of Ryuzo’s death on his shoulders until the day he breathed his last breath.


End file.
